BITE Chapter 14
A Worthy Woman
September 28, 2021
I spent a lot more time in the cafeteria today. Maybe it’s my new medicine, but I was much hungrier today than usual. I remember at one point I got up to get seconds, or maybe thirds? Anyways, as I was filling my bowl, I heard a commotion from the kitchen. There was all this crashing and banging, and I think I heard screaming too. The door to the kitchen stayed shut, but it was shaking and rumbling like something was trying to batter it down. Without thinking, I headed to the door to help. I guess it’s just instinct. Before I could even take two steps toward the kitchen door, though, 5 or so people blocked my path.
They were all beaming at me with bright smiles like I was the most precious thing they’d ever seen. One of them assured me they had people handling the situation, and they all guided me back to one of the tables. Given how fucking crazy things sounded, I didn’t protest. You take your outs where you can get them, you know? Sometimes it’s nice to abdicate responsibility and let someone else handle it.
“We appreciate your concern,” a tall, muscular woman told me. “But we really don’t need your help with that. I’m sure someone just spilled some hot food or something.”
“It’s so nice that you want to help, though,” a greasy and balding man followed up. “We here at the Church of Our King in Heaven are all one big, happy family, and just like any family, we each have our roles. We’ve got Pieman, the father of the family. He leads and guides us, and we serve him.”
Everyone at the table nodded and gave grunts of approval. I found myself nodding with them.
“Some of us are like the older brothers,” the older man continued, “There to set an example and to do our best to live up to our father’s expectations. Some of you are wives, sisters, aunts, and daughters. Your job is to serve dutifully and submit to the King. That’s how this all works as well as it does.”
He patted me on the back hard enough to hurt. Normally, I would have clocked the fucker, but I just didn’t have it in me. Talking about family still hurts.
A mousy woman with frizzled hair piped up from across the table. “Right now, you’re a prodigal daughter of the King. You were living in the world and were of the world. By all rights, you deserve death. But our King is merciful.”
Everyone nodded and gave mmm-hmm’s in agreement.
“If you truly repent, then who knows? You might become a sister or even a wife.”
I was starting to lose track of the analogy, if it was even an analogy at all. My mind instead locked onto a specific part of it.
“Speaking of daughters,” I asked, “Are there any actual sons and daughters here? You know, kids?”
Another woman next to me laughed. “Silly girl, we showed you our children’s ministry rooms, remember?”
She wasn’t the one who showed me, but I did remember.
“Yeah, I know,” I said, “But there were no kids when I visited. I haven’t seen any. Are there any kids here? Surely some people brought their children here with them, or they got married and had some after they arrived.”
The table was silent. I saw several of them give furtive looks to each other. It was like there was some silent conversation that everyone other than me could hear. I added a shrug and raised eyebrows to the conversation. After a few moments passed, the mousy woman stood up and clapped her hands.
“I think they’re teaching a class right now, actually. Why don’t you come with me and check it out? I know you expressed interest in volunteering with them.”
She stood up and walked away without waiting. I quickly scarfed down the rest of my food and followed. It took around a minute for us to arrive at Pieman’s office and climb the steps to the children’s center. The woman placed a finger to her lips to shush me before slowly opening the door and ushering me inside.
The stage at front had an older white man standing at a clear plastic podium with what must have been a Bible open in front of him. He was dressed in a grey suit coat, white dress shirt, red tie, and light blue jeans. In front of the stage were several rows of young boys and girls sitting criss-cross. There was an empty space down the middle, with boys on the left and girls on the right. The boys all had a mix of t-shirts, shorts, jeans, and tennis shoes. The girls all wore floor-length dresses in pastel colors. If I had to guess, I’d say the kids were all around 9 or 10 years old. The man at the front gave me a quick glance, but otherwise did nothing to acknowledge my presence.
“So,” the man said, “The King commanded that Saul slaughter all men, women, children, and animals, and to destroy everything. But do you know what the Bible says happened next?”
Several children shook their heads.
The man leaned forward as if whispering a secret. “It says he destroyed everything useful.”
The children erupted into boos and angry shouting. Several of them slammed their fists into their knees, and I heard a few shout things like “Oh, come on!” and “You gotta listen to the King!”
“Settle down, settle down,” the man said as he waved his arms like an orchestra conductor.
The outraged cries quickly dissipated.
“I know it’s frustrating, but this is what happened. He only destroyed what was useful. He left some of the livestock alive. He even let the women, children, and surrendering men leave.”
Again, the children exploded with rage. This time, the speaker did nothing to calm them. He simply stood there and smiled, his gaze passing slowly across the room. One of the boys punched another, and their fight quickly engulfed all of the children. He watched on as the children punched, kicked, clawed, and bit each other. The man kept smiling, and as the children rioted and rampaged, his eyes locked onto mine.
The mousy woman pulled me behind her out of the classroom. As soon as the door shut behind us, I collapsed to my knees panting. I hadn’t realized that I was holding my breath.
“Isn’t it wonderful, seeing boys getting to actually be boys?” the lady asked. Without waiting for my reply, she continued, “Like we said before, we’re all one big family. Those of us that had kids before have gladly given them up to be raised communally by the Church.”
I finished catching my breath and nodded. The lady guided me down the hallway to look inside a few more of the rooms. It turns out, the children’s center is much bigger than I realized. There were dormitories lined with bunk beds. They had bathrooms and locker rooms just as lavish and large as the one at the outreach center. Everything was separated by gender, of course. There was one thing I couldn’t help but notice was missing when we ended the tour.
“I have to ask, where are the classrooms?”
The lady looked confused. “What do you mean? That was the first thing we looked at.”
“No, I get that’s for Sunday school and stuff, but what about regular classrooms? You know, for math, science, all that stuff kids need.”
The woman pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips. “All the children need is to know how to serve the King. They don’t need any of that worldly nonsense.”
I scoffed. “I’m sorry, but you’re okay with kids getting zero real education?”
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” she said. “Let’s just say there’s a reason the King made you barren.”
“What?! How dare you, you little…”
“You’re a filthy, filthy whore,” she continued. She stepped closer to me so that we were only inches apart. Even though I was a full head taller than her, I felt like she was leering over me. “You’re a dirty girl who can’t keep it in her pants. You deserve every bad thing that’s ever happened to you. You’re lucky the King is merciful and powerful. Nothing less than His power could clean out your filth and purify you.”
I stumbled back, tears welling up in my eyes. “It was just one time, I didn’t mean to…”
“Your sin is plain as day to everyone that meets you,” the woman sneered. She pointed an accusing finger at me. “Whore! Whore! Whore! Whore!”
I ran away as the woman kept shouting at me. I kept running until I was well out of earshot, but I still heard her voice echoing inside my skull. After I finally made it back to my room, I broke down sobbing. The name calling, the slut-shaming, all of it cuts deep. I have to face the fact that it hurts not because it’s mean, or rude, or any shit like that. It’s all true. I’m a worthless, useless woman who drove away the one good thing in my life because of simple horniness. I never deserved you, Luke. Maybe, if I work my hardest to turn things around here, I can become the woman I should have been for you from the start. I know I can never have you back. What I did to you cannot be undone, and the scars will always be there. All I can do is pray that I find the strength to honor the King and become someone who is actually worthy of love.
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