Chapter 12
Second Service
September 26, 2021, after service
Finding the ampitheater was easy enough. As soon as I started walking around looking, I bumped into a huge crowd of people all heading the same direction. Sure enough, after following for a few minutes, I was back at that massive colosseum. This time, I was near the front row. Pretty much every seat was filled just like before. It struck me just how many thousands of people there must be here. Sure, the cafeteria always had people, but this place never felt crowded or busy, and it was easy to go long stretches without seeing anyone else. Were most of these people being bussed in, or was this compound even bigger than I realized?
My memory of the service is a lot clearer this time. What I mean is, I remember the people around me. They were all old white people. Not old like ancient, but probably in their 50s and 60s. You know, like they weren’t old enough to be my parents. King, it’s been so long since I’ve heard from mine. Its like I always said, Luke. Between me and my sisters, my parents’ favorite child was you. I know you never asked for them to pick a side in the divorce, but given everything that happened, it just makes sense they took yours.
Shortly after I sat down, they started playing that same ethereal, otherworldly music as last time. Maybe its because I had heard it before, but I felt like I understood and even enjoyed it this time. I couldn’t resist swaying back and forth in my seat. Looking around, it seemed like everyone else felt the same. I still felt cold when I heard it, but not as cold the second time around. Even recalling it now, I feel a chill, but there was also something inviting, almost comforting to it.
This time, the “show” portion of the service was themed around water. The entire stage pulled away to show a giant glass tank. There were divers, syncronized swimmers, and even some trained dolphins. I have no fucking clue how they got ahold of dolphins. It was fucking amazing. Still not sure what it had to do with God or the King or whatever, but I’m not complaining.
Eventually, the lights dimmed and the projector screen was lowered. Again, a thick cloud cover rolled in and cast a shadow over the colosseum. I’m starting to think it might not be random weather. Maybe they have really big fog machines or some shit like that, or maybe that’s just how the weather is here. Yeah, that’s probably it. Just coincidence. It’s only been two services: not enough time to really figure shit out.
Pieman’s face lit up the screen and cast a dull glow over the audience. His eyes felt like there were locked on me specifically. Given the topic of his sermon, it was probably my own guilt that gave me that feeling.
“My, oh my,” he drawled. “What a fine Sunday morning we have here, folks. Am I right?”
“Yes,” we all replied in perfect unison.
“Then why do I see so much hurt, so much sorrow amongst y’all today?” His face twisted into a scowl. “Why do you befoul Heaven with such ugly, ugly burdens? Are we not commanded to cast htme off?” He took a deep breath and sighed, and his expression cleared with the exhale. “Sin weighs us down. It keeps us from rising to Heaven. It keeps us from rising to our King’s side. Ever since Eve tasted of that forbidden fruit and committed the first and greatest sin against our King, sin has tainted us all. Its in our blood. Its in our DNA. Its in our souls.”
I shivered, but not from the cold.
“We lie. We cheat. We misuse the gifts the King has so graciously bestowed upon us.”
Each sentence felt like a gut punch.
“Even I ain’t perfect. I’ve failed the King before, and let me tell ya, the King’s wrath ain’t no laughing matter. No siree. How, then, do we cast off our sins? How do we purify ourselves so that we may stand before the King? The answer is simpler than you might think; we confess.”
Somber keyboard music played from unseen speakers. Spotlights illuminated stairs leading up to the glass tank. Several dozen people formed a line on each side. I waited for the stage to return, but it didn’t, and I wondered if Pieman expected people to swim in their regular clothes.
“Keep your eyes fixed upon me, upon the king, and there ain’t nothing you can’t do.”
A man walked up the stairs on the left. There must have been glass or something, because instead of swimming, he stepped onto the water and walked across. He walked to center stage, never looking away from Pieman’s projection, and knelt down on top of the water. Pieman bowed his head and closed his eyes for a few seconds. There was something in Pieman’s mouth, like he was chewing or something, but he never opened it or said anything.
One by one, alternating left and right, people crossed the water, knelt down, and walked across to the other side of the stage. I didn’t know if it was the music, the look of peace on the face of everyone who knelt, or my own guilt, but I got up and got in line.
I knew even then that it was too easy, too simple. Kneeling and mumbling the sins I committed against Luke wouldn’t change what I did. The past could never be undone. Still, I had been carrying this weight with me for so long. I needed to believe things could get better. I needed relief, and Pieman was offering it to me.
Soon enough, it was my turn. I stalled for a moment at the edge of the water. Whatever people were walking on, it was so well hidden that I couldn’t see it. These people weren’t actually walking on water, were they? No, no, it had to be an optical illusion. They knew how it worked since they’d probably been here longer than me. Fuck if I know. I’m not a damn stage magician. There must have been thin glass, or clear plastic, or something there to walk on. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and stepped forward.
I sank like a fucking rock. The water was so damn cold that it made me scream. It filled my lungs. My vision started to fade. Before I blacked out, I saw some small, dark shape swim toward me from below. It grabbed my shirt collar, and before I knew it, I surface. Someone grabbed my flailing arms and hoisted me out.
I coughed up a lung full of that freezing water onto the man that had just rescued me, then I collapsed and gasped for air. By the time I finally came to my senses, I was walking down the stairs on the other side of the stage wrapped in a warm white towel. Whoever or whatever had saved me was nowhere to be seen. My best guess is that one of the other members dove in after me, only everyone I could see still looked dry. I didn’t have the energy or willpower to think about it too much.
Pieman laughed a deep, hearty laugh. “There’s always one, folks. They’ve seen what y’all’ve seen. They’ve heard what y’all’ve heard. They eat our food. They sit in our services. They walk amongst us, but they ain’t one of us. They got one key thing missing: faith.”
I was given angry looks from those near me, and I felt the same negative energy from the audience at large.
“I’m so sorry,” I choked out.
“Now, now,” Pieman chided, “We all started out as lost sheep. There ain’t a single person here who hasn’t been where she is now. Dare I say, the blame’s on us, too. We gotta do better welcoming her in. We gotta get her into a small group to study the King’s teachings. We gotta fellowship with her. We gotta use all of our power to bring her in. Even me.”
I watched as everyone who had been glaring at me bowed their heads in shame. Serves the fuckers right. All I’d done was misstep since my eyes were closed. I just slipped. I can’t blame Pieman for using it as a preaching point, but I sure as fuck can blame the others for not showing me where to step and then having the nerve to get mad at me for almost drowning.
Still, sitting here writing this down, I have to wonder: why do I also blame myself? Why do I feel like I wronged Pieman by not keeping my eyes on him? Why do I feel guilty for lacking faith? I always feel so King-damned guilty about Luke, about this church, about everything. I’m ready for that to change.